13 Reflective Questions to Ask Yourself Before The New Year
“In the present, the past is more knowable than the future—but people think far more about the future than the past,” write psychology professors Baumeister, Vohs, and Oettingen in their published study on Pragmatic Prospection. “Both facts derive from the principle that the future can be changed whereas the past cannot,” they continue.
Maybe that’s why when the new year comes around the corner, we are more inclined to ask ourselves and others about our new year resolutions, instead of questioning “what lessons did we learn this year?” In other words, we prospect before even introspecting.
Pragmatic prospection is the process through which one thinks about the future by imagining what one wants to happen, while also considering the obstacles, so as to map out and guide the actions that would bring about desirable outcomes.
The problem is, however, that when we prospect before first introspecting—when we plan for what’s ahead before reflecting on what has already passed—we’re doing ourselves an enormous disfavor by not allowing ourselves to process our emotions and thoughts.
As author Meg Wheatley puts it:
“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.”
Put simply, introspection is a process that involves looking inward to examine one's own thoughts and emotions. Also known as experimental self-observation, the term was used to describe a research technique that was first developed by psychologist Wilhelm Wundt, which involved training people to carefully and objectively analyze the content of their own thoughts.
That’s why, the best thing you can do for yourself around this time of the year is to create a comfortable space to sit in, put on some relaxing music, prepare yourself a hot beverage, let go of all expectations, and journal through some introspective and prospective questions.
The idea is simple: Prepare and plan for the year ahead by first working through and assessing the one that just passed. By reflecting on the year, you surface your successes, sorrows, and any behavioral and thought patterns that held you back. And by planning for the year ahead, you step into it with full confidence, along with the knowledge that you’re much more intentional about your life and in control of it.
Here are 13 reflective questions to ask yourself as we head into the new year.
1. What are the five things I’m most grateful for this year?
“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all others,” wrote ancient Roman philosopher Cicero. That’s because the daily practice of gratitude creates an oasis of calm and contentment amidst a sea of chaos.
Truth is, it’s totally normal to forget that we live in a world of blessings. If you’re reading this now, that means you’re safe. You have a home. You’re warm. You’re still breathing. You’re not hungry — and if you are, you have the financial means to buy a meal for yourself. I just listed five things you can be grateful for (things that perhaps you completely took for granted).
Can you think more deeply of five more?
Personally, I’m grateful to have spent an extra year at home with my family. That was totally unexpected. I’m grateful I’m still alive and healthy. I’m grateful for my commitment to writing, for the friends who’ve helped me stay optimistic about the future, and for you and every other reader who’s engaged with my words this year. Thank you.
2. What’s one area in my life where I made real, tangible progress this year?
There’s a reason why criticism often has a much greater impact on us than compliments, and why bad news frequently draws more of our attention than good—it’s because of our negativity bias. It’s our tendency to register negative stimuli first. That’s why the second question focuses on what went well in the past year instead of what didn’t.
In a year of confusion, ups, and downs, what’s one thing that went well? What’s an area in your life where you made real, tangible progress?
The purpose of this question is two-fold. First, it’s to get you to positively frame your way of thinking. And second, it’s to remind you that, going forward, when you actively track your progress, you keep yourself motivated while also allowing yourself to see your evolution unfolding before your eyes.
For me, the biggest progress manifested in my writing. I learned how to build myself a system that allowed me to become prolific, and it delivered.
3. What are three accomplishments I made this year that I’m most proud of?
Building on the previous question, what are your top three accomplishments that you’re most proud of? Mine are simple:
I launched and grew a newsletter from 0 to 1,600 subscribers.
I published over 130 articles and generated almost 600,000 views.
I taught myself how to build—and stick to—good habits that helped me cultivate the mental strength to stay focused on what matters and not dwell in a state of overthinking.
4. Who were the three people whose friendships I appreciated most this year?
What makes life so special? It’s the people. It’s always the people.
Honestly, the way I see it, life is worth living when it’s filled with people we love and care for. Whether it be family, childhood friends, or recently formed friendships, we all have people who play important roles in our lives.
Some connections temporarily fade out of our lives as we take different paths and enter unfamiliar stages. Other friendships unexpectedly reemerge to forge deeper bonds.
Whoever the three people whose love, concern, support, or humor and light spirit you appreciated most this year, I urge you to write them. Pick-up the phone and call them. Let them know. Just say thanks and express your gratitude. They deserve the biggest thank you for adding more to your life than taking away from it — and it will mean the world to them if you simply extend a gesture of kindness by letting them know.
5. What were the biggest struggles I faced this year? What were the biggest lessons they taught me?
I really believe that our struggles shape us into who we are and teach us the most powerful lessons in life. We uncover what matters most to us, we learn more about ourselves, we discover how to respond to challenges and misfortune, we determine what we’re truly made of, and sometimes, we end up finding out who our genuine friends are.
It’s our struggles that forge our character.
As the Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius once wrote, “the impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
What new lessons did your struggles teach you?
My struggles in 2020 taught me three things:
When you consciously remind yourself to submit to the flow of life, to take it one day at a time, and to focus solely on what you can control, you automatically conserve your mental and emotional energy and everything around you becomes easier to deal with.
Life is abundant: When one door closes, another one always opens. Your single purpose is to believe that as you toil in the language of labor and service, and as you walk the path in conviction, the path will begin to appear, and the way to your door will naturally reveal itself to you.
Every action you take is born from a place of fear or love. Live from a fear-based system and you will experience the limitations of hate, arrogance, insecurity, and greed. Live from a love-based system and you will discover an abundance of courage, confidence, fortitude, and generosity.
6. Where was I five years ago and where am I now?
Five years ago I had just graduated with a Master’s in International Business and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Five years ago I was a privileged young man who thought he was larger than life itself.
Today, I am kind.
Today, I am more human.
Today, I am wiser, and so I’m working on bettering myself.
We forget who we were five years ago, and we forget how far we’ve come since. We forget how much we’ve grown as a human and how much better we’ve become in understanding ourselves and our role in this world.
You forget all the difficult times you’ve faced along your journey. All the little obstacles you’ve ploughed through. All the mountains you’ve scaled. All the heartbreaks you’ve grown from and all the risks you were once so brave to take.
Sometimes, a dose of reflection is much more rewarding to the mind and soul than a spoonful of planning. So, once again, I remind you—five years.
Who were you then? Who are you now?
Where were you then? Where are you now?
Pause, look back, remember, reflect. Whatever highs or lows you uncover, I promise you this: You will feel more fulfilled. You will feel more powerful. More beautiful. More grateful. And much more empowered. Most importantly, you’ll be so proud of yourself for how far you’ve come.
7. If all goes well, where would I love to be five years from now?
In his personal growth talks, Jim Rohn would always ask this question:
“Five years from now you will arrive, the question is where?”
Ask any business owner or a corporate CEO where they want their company to be in five years and they’ll give you a straight answer. The question is then, why don’t you have a vision for yourself? Aren’t you the owner of your own life? Aren’t you the captain of your own ship?
You need a vision for the next stretch of your life. Something to stick to and work toward—a commitment to a greater ideal.
That doesn’t mean you need a bulletproof plan. No, what you need is a painting of who you see yourself becoming so that today you can start the process of becoming that person. What you need is a five-year vision that excites you, and thus helps you be intentional in your decisions, purposeful in your beliefs, and consistent in your actions.
The question is not “where do you see yourself in 10 years time?” No, that’s too broad and far-fetched. And truth is, you will experience a lot of change within a decade. As Daniel Gilbert says in one of his TED Talks, “human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they're finished. The person you are right now is as transient, as fleeting, and as temporary as all the people you’ve ever been. The one constant in our lives is change.”
The question, then, must be more defined, and intentional: “In five years from now, who will you have become?”
8. Based on that vision, what do I want my one-word intention to be next year? How can I manifest it in my everyday life?
An intention is a guiding principle for who you want to be and how you want to act, live, and show up in this world. Whether at work, in relationships, during your creative or spiritual pursuits, or in any other area of your life, an intention serves as an internal compass. It offers a sense of clarity and helps guide your actions as you move throughout the days of the year.
And your yearly intention is what guides you forward along your journey toward your vision. This one-word intention comes from within and answers the overall question: “What do I want my ultimate purpose to be this year?”
The answer to this question is the sole holistic direction in which you will focus your energy throughout the year. This one-word intention will then create an overarching alignment between the goals you will tackle, the actions you will take, and the opportunities you will consider accepting and likewise, declining.
Five years from now I see myself as an author, among other things. My intention then for the past year was to be consistent in writing. My intention for the upcoming year is to seek more depth in my knowledge and writing. See how they’re both connected to who I’m intentionally choosing to become?
9. What are the three things I want to achieve the most this coming year and how can I build myself a system that would allow me to achieve them?
We’ve narrowed it down from a grand vision to a one-word holistic intention. Now’s the time to connect the two with the three goals you will work toward this year. These three goals will serve as the top three priorities this year.
Once you’ve outlined them, the next step is to build a system that would facilitate their achievement; because goals alone, without a scaffold to ground them, are nothing more than ideas in thin air. As James Clear, author of Atomic Habits famously puts it:
“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
A system is the set of tools, routines, and rituals designed to make it easy for you to regularly repeat the necessary tasks that will help accomplish your goals, and the secret to building a great system is to focus on small consistent wins. So after you write down your three goals, follow these three steps to build yourself a system:
Identify and list all the tasks that need to be done.
Create a workflow for these tasks with specific deadlines.
Track your main habit to measure your progress.
10. What’s one thought I’m currently holding on to that’s not serving my wellbeing? Why am I holding onto it and what empowering affirmations can I replace it with?
We can never flourish or experience any positive sustainable change in our life as long as we keep carrying the entire weight of our baggage with us. Self-care is the active process of learning how to identify these self-sabotaging patterns that weigh us down and then letting them go because once we let go of what’s no longer positively serving us, we will allow room for what will.
A lot of times, we’re the ones who hold ourselves back. We cling onto a thought pattern and refuse to let it go:
I want to start my own business, but I’m scared it will fail. So you cling to the thought of fear more than the courage to act.
I am ready for a new career path, but I don’t know where to begin. So you cling to the thought of confusion more than the confidence that you will figure it out.
I really like him, but I’m worried that it won’t work out and I’ll get hurt. So you let that fear create an illusionary shield of protection which conceals you from the freedom to openly love.
If we really want to create positive change in our life, we must first raise our awareness of what our self-sabotaging thought patterns are, and then we must break free from these limiting beliefs. How? By replacing these beliefs with empowering affirmations. As Dr. John Arden writes in his book Rewire Your Brain: “You can train yourself to change the way you think. By considering possibilities instead of limitations on a regular basis, you’ll rewire your brain.”
I want to start my own business, and even if I might be a little scared that it might fail, that’s totally normal. Fear rises with interest. I’m willing to see it through and to succeed, and I’m excited about the personal and professional growth I will experience through that journey.
I am ready for a new career path and even though I’m not totally sure where to begin, I’m confident in my ability to I can figure out. Everything is a process and I’m willing to see it through.
I am willing to drop my shield and give all my love to this relationship. I know that there’s so much uncertainty still and a lot for us to figure out, but isn’t that the natural course of life?
If every year you release an old self-sabotaging pattern and replace it with an empowering affirmation and translate it into action, imagine how much personal growth and transcendence you will experience within the next five years alone.
So, what thoughts and ideas are you ready to let go of?
11. What is one bad habit I’m working on removing from my life, and what is one new habit I wish to bridge in its stead?
In life, there’s always a give-and-take. Just as how you must let go of your old thought patterns to make way for the new, the same applies to your habits.
Too often, however, we try to make too many changes at once. We want to start waking up at 6.00 am every day, exercise daily, and meditate every morning, while also making time to learn a new instrument.
Too many ambitious changes, way too quickly.
Instead, the key is to do it sequentially, one thing at a time. As authors Gary Keller and Jay Papasan write in their book, The One Thing: “Getting extraordinary results is all about creating a domino effect in your life. The key is over time. Success is built sequentially. It’s one thing at a time.”
Stop one bad habit and bridge one new habit in its stead.
The one new habit I want to work on is to wake up at 6.30 am every morning. How will I do this? By giving up my bad habit of going to sleep after midnight. Earlier to bed, earlier to rise out of it. Out with sleeping later, in with waking up earlier. As the old saying goes: “Out with the old, in with the new.”
12. What are three things I would love to do more of next year? How will I make more time for them?
Our days are filled with things we have to do, things we need to do, and things we want to do. Most of the time, however, we end up doing what we have to do, along with all the other things that comfort us and help us escape from the stress that arises from doing the former… And so we end up putting off all the things we really want to do.
How often has this happened to you?
Look, I get it. There’s always stuff that needs to be done. But you need to realize that all these tasks, errands, chores, plans, and projects are not going to magically vanish. They’re a natural course of life.
What you need to do is make time for what you really want to be doing in your life. Make time for what you love for the sole reason that doing what you love makes you happy.
Take out a sheet of paper and on the top of the page write “what I love doing.” Now, let me ask you this: What brings you joy? What makes you feel happy? What fills your soul with passion and excitement for life? What is it that you keep putting off, but deep down you know you really want to do? What is it that you must do more of because if you don’t you’ll regret not doing so ten years down the line?
Write them down.
And then choose three things that you can start doing today.
13. How can I start my mornings more mindfully this year?
How you start your morning sets the tone for the day, and how you live your days will culminate into how you will have lived the year. The premise behind a morning routine, then, is to empower you to live slow and more intentionally.
If you can learn to give the first 30 minutes of your day to yourself, to just sit, alone with your emotions and thoughts, and do something that swells your mind and body into a peak state of being, such as meditation, or exercise, or reading, or journaling, you will drastically improve the trajectory of your life.
I think Marcus Aurelius said it best when he wrote: “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” And to that I add, when you arise in the morning, remind yourself of where it is you’re taking your life (your vision), who you’re becoming (your intention), and what you will do today to connect the two together.
Consider the three things that you will do for your mind, body, and soul, every morning upon waking up.
Bonus Question: How will I reward myself throughout my progress and upon my year-end success?
The way I see it, if you’ve got a vision you’re working toward today, you’ve set an intention for the year ahead and outlined three goals underneath it, you’ve chosen to let go of what’s no longer serving you to allow room for what will, and you’ve intentionally designed a morning routine that suits you and a daily lifestyle that is built on what you love, then it’s not a question of “if I am to succeed,” but a matter of “as I walk the path to success.”
Your embodiment of the above and the manifestation of it through your actions will deem you successful. And as you continue to show up and honor your commitment to this greater ideal, the question becomes: “How do I want to reward myself throughout my progress and upon my year-end success?”
Celebrate who you’re becoming by gifting yourself with something to look forward to. That’s one way to show gratitude and appreciation toward yourself.